🚀New Account Wizard — GetStarted.wiz

Get Started With $Dog Capital Inc.

Opening an account takes three steps: pick a service, call an associate, and hope for the best.

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New Account
Setup Wizard

Welcome to $Dog Capital Inc. This wizard will help you select the right account. Please have a treat ready as a show of good faith.

Step 1: Choose Your Account Type

Checking Account — everyday spending, minimal drama.Low Yield Savings Account— grow your money at a rate best described as “theoretical.”Leveraged Gambling Account — borrow against your savings, bet it on the squirrel races. Ask for Lenny.High Interest Credit Card — buy now, howl later. APR disclosed on request, eventually.$DOG Coin Dividend Account — hold $Dog Capital Inc coin, receive real dividends via flap.sh.

Step 2: Call An Associate

We do not currently support opening accounts over the internet, because Davis does not trust it. Please call the number below and ask for Billy, Daquon, Davis, Lenny, or Bob depending on the account type you selected above.

📞 1-800-676-7676
Hours: Monday–Friday, 9am until someone needs a walk. Hold music is one dog, barking, indefinitely.

Step 3: Bring A Treat

All new account approvals are finalized in person with a treat of your choosing. This is non-negotiable and, per Bob, also how the credit limit is calculated.

Call Now >

Step 1 of 1Estimated time: 1 belly rub

$Dog Capital Inc. is not a real bank, is not FDIC insured, and is run entirely by dogs. Please do not send us your real money. Or do. We are not your financial advisor. Best viewed at 800×600.